Moemoea| Mt Albert

Okay, well basically I’m under a great deal of stress at the moment. Basically the reason for it is my partner’s left me, and that’s why I was at the library.

I went very close going back to the slave camps, the other day at the court. So, yeah so basically at the moment I’m under a lot of stress, if that answers your question.

Okay, well the first thing I’m trying to restrain myself from doing is using extreme violence mate, because basically I’ve been to the slave camps. That’s what they call prisons, to ease their dark consciousnesses you know. I’ve been there a number of times. Instead of using violence as I have in the past, and say in the old days, mate, right now I’d be back in the slave camps, because I would have just gone over there and dealt to it, you know?  

I’m not saying that to be melodramatic, but how I’m trying to dealing with the stress bro, is doing what I’m doing now. I’m doing a civil suit. I’m sort of going back up North to my tūrangawaewae, and that gives up 280 kilometres between us, you know. I made a promise to my ancestors that whatever I do, I’m not going to resort to violence. So that’s the way I’m dealing with the stress at the moment, you know?

I’ve also been drinking heavily, you know, sort of thing. I find it sort of numbs things, you know?  Yeah, but it’s better if I’m away from Auckland, bro because once I start drinking I worry I’ll want to cruise there and . . . you know?  

Well, one positive thing I’ve been doing, I’ve been reading a lot of articles about how to deal with a relationship break-up. Because that was my long, that was my longest relationship ever. So we were both very creative, and it was a very intense, very impassioned relationship. I still have very, very deep feelings for her, but she’s the one who left me, you see? So, I’ve been reading all these articles, and it’s sort of helped in the sense that I don’t feel that I’m the only one going through it. That other people go through the same thing, but they don’t resort to smashing people up. You know?  Last time I served a lengthy prison term for, you know, for what I did. So that’s how I’m trying to deal with it, that was the most positive way.

I came here to the library yesterday, because I’ve been sleeping in my van at the back of the bros here in Mt Albert, where I used to live. I said, oh bro and I’ll do this civil suit then I’ll shoot back home, but when I came yesterday I was reading these articles about how to deal with a relationship, and it’s actually the grief that I’ve been feeling, I was sort of trying to figure it out, and that’s the reason why I’ve been so angry. Those articles really helped. The internet helped.

I was brought up, up North at Omamari Beach just passed Dargaville. I was brought up on a Marae at Waikaraka Marae. So things that I value, I value tikanga Māori, and I value the Paipera Tapu, the Holy Bible. So I value the integral cause of socialism, say with the Pākehā, because I’m part Pākehā too, most of that cultural belief system, it’s all about oneself, you know, but I believe in kotahitanga and I believe that we’re sort of connected to, Papatūānuku and all of that sort of thing. You know? My values are based very strongly on the, on the Holy Bible and on Māori culture.

This is the poem that I actually wrote about this situation. So it’s sort of quite valid, you know? I’ll try and memorise it, mate. I’ll actually stumble. It’s called Invictus, and you know what Invictus means –  Unconquered soul.”

“In the first of his youth he lay the foundations of a castle before him.

Built on the foundation of hope and with wars of fate, faith.

Then the first delusion was breached when his father died.”

 

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