Lillian – New Lynn

“Last night, with my flatmate, we actually took time to pray with her, and yeah we took a moment and there was silence and we prayed.

And I told her that when she left to go for a holiday to Christchurch the day before, I was like, hey now you didn’t say goodbye. And it was kind of like I formed it as a joke, but I was actually like, kind of serious. I was like, hey punk you didn’t, you didn’t take time to say goodbye, and like you’re so worth saying goodbye to, and yeah I think that communicated that I cared, and she was like, oh sorry pal, but, yeah there was a moment and we got it, and it was like, hey I love you enough to have that moment and wish you farewell on your one day travel. That evening last night, involved that.

Born and raised in Te Puke. Moved up to Auckland, was a little disillusioned when people didn’t always say hello on the streets. Like, hello and just the, the silence that you’re met with. I really like singing. I really like performing in different capacities. Sometimes when I can’t do that I kind of express through my clothing or what I choose to wear. At the moment I’m studying a spot of New Zealand history and philosophy, all wrapped up in this dope course. Yeah that’s so much fun, and I really like dancing but not like not necessarily proper dancing, but just like grooving out.

Certainly being brought up in church every Sunday you have an appreciation for that – certainly that Gospel singing or that emotive types from the soul. I love listening to that, and in fact in the cafe behind us has got the Gospel tunes pumping and I love it. It’s familiar and it speaks to something of my humanity and yeah that’s so much fun, and yeah in that, like there’s heaps of genres. Like there’s rap and hip hop and pop, good old fashioned pop. It’s groovy. Michael Jackson, Rest In Peace. Um, yeah, he’s a rock star. I was going to blame it on my extroverted-ness, that somebody like me especially needs social connection, but I’m not sure if that’s true. I truly believe that as humans we’re super relational and we need social connection like that, and what does that look like in my life? 

As much as I’m on social media and Facebook, I don’t think it actually looks like that a lot of the time. I think it is a face to face. There’s something captured in the way Māori, the hongi is an exchange of wairua. There’s something that that happens when you’re face to face with somebody, or breathing in the same air or in their presence that I think speaks to my ideal form of social connection.

There’s something about proximity and presence with somebody that would indeed make the city safer, more accessible, less exclusive. By the city I meant us, like ourselves less exclusive, because that’s gross. There’s something about seeing another human and trying to imagine that they have such a complex life as well as yours and at the same time you don’t know at all what that looks like, and that empathy and that taking that moment to imagine. A couple of ways I try to live in the moment – I do this by if I have my phone on me I, I don’t don’t really acknowledge it.

I’ve got this kind of phrase that I don’t have to be instantly accessible to whoever’s not in my presence. I’m trying to balance that out though. I feel like I’ve taken that almost to the extreme where I forget, I actually forget to text people back for ages and so that’s not groovy either in terms of building relationship with them. But yeah there’s a moment where if I’m with you I’m going to give you my warmth and my focus as opposed to any focus on my technology that connects me with the rest of the world. Trying to balance that up though with being accountable, still to the people I need to be.

My mother taught me well I think in terms of, oh I remember a hard-out lesson when, when older people talk to you, look them in the eye, and when somebody asks how are you, actually trust that they might be genuinely quite curious, and give them more than just, good thanks. Give them, give them something to work with in terms of the conversation and see how the conversation goes from there.

The village that raised me – Te Puke. The small townness where you learn how to be known by people and you learn how to know them and almost I want to attribute it to, you know, how to be in community with other people. Just saying being able to know that everybody in your school, having that kid of small enough and accessible enough, yeah that’s a real gift and I think has helped any friendliness that you might encounter from me.  

I appear to be open and be able to express my emotion well and in fact I have no real problem crying or even showing emotion to that extent in front of people and yet I would actually refer to myself as having an emotional wall up sometimes and certainly some moments would come down to some younger heartbreak when my mum and dad split up and a moment that puts on a young girl and the confusion and perhaps having a father that wasn’t able to express emotion is hard or, or shunned it a little.

I certainly had to re-taught from that and would surely still have remnants of that would be stopping me. Maybe I’m not as emotionally open with like boys – that’s probably a thing to still work through. It’s certainly something I’m aware of at least – I believe it’s good and healthy to be emotionally open. Selective still, but, but open.

I’d actually really like to be Governor General of New Zealand. So watch this space. Perhaps on a screen near you somewhere if I got the opportunity to act in an awesome story that told kind of like this project, the Auckland Humanity Project. We may even see each other on the streets saying hello to each other like we do in Te Puke.

I didn’t know they had any marital issues which in one sense is awesome because I wasn’t affected by any understandings of violence or verbal, anything like that, but then it did come as a great surprise. I think it affected me in that I’ve only seen role modelled a single mother raising children, which again on one level is awesome because she raised us and did an amazing job, but in terms of, if I wanted to be married in the future, learning how to do that well and having to be real wise and feel humble about how much I know how to do that.

I think my father wasn’t as necessarily a safe man to be around. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if he had more influence in raising me. So on that level, whilst there’s a longing for a father I’m grateful that it wasn’t by that particular human. I think it’s better the moment we have between us now is as friends or as people who see each other and have a love and exchange stories from time to time. That’s the relationship I have with my father now, and I think that’s better than if he was a more present father figure, and I’m grateful. I can say I’m grateful for that.”

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